It doesn't mean I don't love my kids!

This blog is in response to the increasing amount of blogs and Facebook posts from the likes of “Hurrah for Gin” and the “Unmumsy Mum” (well worth a follow if you don’t already).

I have been found to share things that acknowledge how bloody hard parenting can be. Chatting to mums in the very early postnatal days as I do, the last blog I did touched on how, and why mums were finding it so hard, and I think this follows on from that.

If I post, or share a story, blog or anecdote on how hard I am finding my kids, ,I am expressing how I am feeling, how hard I find it, how monotonous I find it! You don’t have to agree!

I remember reading how one of the above bloggers above got criticised whilst at a book launch for supposedly “hating” her kids. I also got criticised for sharing something about parenting being hard, this particular mum told me the real hard stuff in life comes from loss, surely if I am healthy and my kids are healthy, I shouldn’t be moaning about this stuff?  I remember a friend posting on facebook, how horrible the upsurge of these difficult or keeping it real parenting blogs were, surely you had chosen to have kids, this particular woman “loved” her kids, and loved being with them, implying these people moaning didn’t.

Well I will moan about this stuff because I find it hard! I personally find the monotony painful and parenting thankless. Today chatting to my husband I likened it to working in a hotel. A crap, messy, cheap hotel with an even crapper, messier boss. It can be thankless, and soul destroying. We had 2 extra kids for the weekend this weekend, they all demanded pancakes for breakfast as soon as they woke up. They incessantly nagged me for the 15min it took to cook said pancakes, they then all wolfed them down and buggered off! I worked in a hotel when I was a LOT younger, back then it was really poorly paid, but at least I got paid, and I got to see the result of my hard work. This job of parenting, isn’t paid (in fact it costs me loads), I don’t get thanked much, because quite rightly my children expect it.

I frequently feel quite literally at the end of my tether with my kids, constant arguing, bickering, and constant taking from me. Even with my husband within touching distance, they will holler MUMMMMMMM, MUMMMMMMM, MUMMMMMM, until they find me, to ask me something my husband could quite easily have done for them. It feels like they sap every last ounce  out of me, and for that I frequently feel drained!

But, for all of this, for all of the above, I would lay my life down for each of them without question.  I look at them and can physically feel my heart expand with how proud I am, and how much love I have. This is where the guilt lies, how can I, one moment consider driving my car into a tree out of sheer anger, to the next moment feeling so much love I could burst! Because that is parenting, and for me it is hard! I am proud beyond belief how my kids have turned out, I have worked hard at it, but I find it tough, my husband finds it tough. However, I know, one day soon, they won’t need me, they won’t holler mummmmmm from a different room whilst I am trying to havewee, and that thought scares the crap out of me!

Lets stop judging each other, I feel no less blessed at having children than you! All I ever wanted was to become a mum, but this parenting gig is hard.

No one knows what is going on behind closed doors, if you continue to judge others on their parenting choice, or what they say or do with their children, you yourself will continue to feel judged.

There really is no right or wrong way to do this, until you have walked in my shoes, please please, don’t judge me.